Angela's Wired Words

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Featured, Gestational Carrier, Surrogacy

Of Renewing Our Hope

We faced the black and white screen once again – that same room, that same doctor – the one who pronounced to us only four months ago the unexpected loss of something so precious and anticipated – he, too, had that look on his face, the one that said he hoped so much for something better to tell us this time, but that he was almost afraid to hope. We were all a little afraid in that room. And then it came, the tiny, grainy flicker of a tiny grain-sized heart beating.  ...

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Featured, Gestational Carrier, Surrogacy

Of His Miracles

Throughout my pregnancy with my first-born, I often found myself marveling over the fact that my body seemed like a perfectly programmed machine that simply knew what it was meant to do. All these pieces came together and worked and chugged and by the end of it, out would come this perfect little human. And all the while, I had no conscious knowledge of all that was required for the desire outcome. It was all my body. It knew exactly what to do. As soon as an embryo was developed and  ...

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Featured, Thoughts

Of Our Purpose

Sometimes God teaches me a lesson and I think, maybe that one was just for me and I shouldn’t worry about blogging it. But sometimes He won’t let me go until I share it. This is one of those lessons. I few weeks ago, fresh in the mire of grief following a miscarriage and D&C, still worn out and slow after surgery, while my husband was at the men’s retreat I insisted he still attended¬†and my mother was at the grocery store making a chocolate run, I had my first moment  ...

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Featured, Gestational Carrier, Surrogacy

He is Still Good

Nearly two weeks ago we learned that the life I had been carrying in my womb had turned to death only a week after we first saw that tiny heart beating. Weeks I carried death in my own body, without even knowing. The reality of that truth was painful – I had been living a lie and didn’t even know it. I was hurt, but, more, I was hurting for those precious parents – the ones who had entrusted their little treasure to my care. As only God had planned, we received this news  ...

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Featured, Gestational Carrier

Surrogacy – The Loss

I fell asleep last night on a pillow soaked in tears, fists wrapped tightly around crumpled hankies, and I know I wasn’t the only one. Yesterday was the first time I experienced that moment of trepidation when the nurse assures you, “You’re only 11 weeks and two days – it’s still a little early to hear the heartbeat sometimes.” That sinking knowledge that you’ve heard in the past the little flutter of a heartbeat can be heard on that small machine  ...

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